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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22690027">Enjoy the Moment</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexgalaxies/pseuds/Alexgalaxies'>Alexgalaxies</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, Falling In Love, First Kiss, First Time, Flashbacks, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Sex, Mutual Pining, Original Character(s), Time Travel, but only for plot reasons</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 10:07:21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,400</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22690027</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alexgalaxies/pseuds/Alexgalaxies</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>It's time for Yaz's time traveling to come to an end. What is to become of Yasmin Khan's life after her time with the Doctor?</p><p>Or how is the Doctor coping without Yasmin Khan?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Enjoy the Moment</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The flashbacks aren't the Doctor stopping to remember the moments! Also, they aren't specifically linear either.</p><p>Stream Yellow by Jodie Whittaker. Catch my reference to it, extra points whoever does!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>This was the final goodbye from Yasmin Khan. The Doctor didn’t know what she expected, everyone leaves eventually it’s just a matter of when. But this was Yaz, her Yaz, met the mum Yaz. Yaz was just different.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz spoke with a neutral tone. “Doctor, I’m leaving now,” She had the last of her things in bags in her arms.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s last shred of hope died. The hope that Yaz wouldn’t leave so soon. Ryan and Graham had left a while ago but now she would be alone again. It was like breaking a promise to someone she loved and lost so long ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz sighed at the Doctor’s silence. She shook her head and turned to leave. The silence was infuriating. Before reaching the door she made an impulsive decision. She dropped her stuff at the doorway. She turned on her heels and walked back towards the blonde woman frozen at the controls.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor barely looked up from the buttons and knobs. Just a quick glance because she felt her hearts breaking in her chest.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz placed a hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” The Doctor’s breathing quickened as she shivered under the touch. “I really am, but this doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” She forced the Doctor to face her. Now she saw the tears beginning to fall, Yaz’s eyes widened and she quickly pulled the Doctor into a hug, a tight one.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor returned the hug, her fists gripping Yaz’s jacket, holding on to keep this real for just a little bit longer. She understood that this was the way it had to be, Yaz had to leave, or none of their travels would be fair to Yaz. Yaz would just be here tormented by the fact that they could not under any circumstances be </span>
  <em>
    <span>together</span>
  </em>
  <span>, properly. “I-” Her voice cracked, her throat was tight from crying and she couldn’t bear to say those words, not like this, not to say goodbye. Not when </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>couldn’t say them when saying goodbye to Rose, it felt like a betrayal, but Rose would’ve wanted her to say them given the opportunity. This was the opportunity. It was now or never and she needed to say them. Her voice trembled, “I love you, Yasmin Khan,” She squinted her eyes hard trying to stop the tears. She held her breath to prevent the sobs threatening to escape her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>//</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was after they had all claimed victory. The day had been like any other day, adventuring, saving people. Pretty typical. But this day was special at least to the Doctor and to Yaz. There were some identity stealing creatures. A somewhat mix between shapeshifting and genetic cloning. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The group wasn’t aware of this threat before they decided to split up and search for clues to see what was happening. By the time they were aware of the situation, it was too late. They each had their own doppelgangers wandering around. They all had to face off and prove themselves as being the “real” one. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was Yaz to reveal that once they were caught in the lie of who they were they couldn’t become that person anymore, because the facade was gone and they couldn’t project their psychic masks as those people anymore. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ryan and Graham had thoroughly confused the creatures, going round and round making them go crazy with the fact that they had been “stupid enough to be caught” and they all returned to their original forms. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor went on a speech (in a very Doctor-y fashion) about how they didn’t need to be anyone else to gain the approval of others, and that they couldn’t just go around stealing faces either. Ultimately they agreed and remained in their forms and the team was allowed to go on their way. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ryan and Graham were the first back to the TARDIS first, high fiving on the way after having outsmarted the creatures.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor waited outside the TARDIS for Yaz to come back. “Yaz! You did it!” Yaz ran to the Doctor and she received her with open arms. She picked her up and spun her around.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz smiled into her blonde hair. “I did, didn’t I?” She laughed pulling back to see the Doctor’s face. She was met with a smile just as bright as her own.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor nodded with enthusiasm. They were both high on adrenaline and couldn’t tell if it was the victory or it was something else brewing between the two of them. It was drawing them to become closer and more affectionate. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz couldn’t help but stare at the Doctor’s face. It was an amazing sight, to see this incredible woman, smiling at her with the same warmth. Their proximity wasn’t necessarily new but the air that fell between them was. This was a lingering moment. Her eyes flashed down to pink lips. Her wants flashed in her mind, wondering how those lips would feel against her own. Yaz could have sworn the Doctor returned the look to her own lips.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor was the one to finally let go, trying to convince herself that Yaz didn’t feel the same way about her and that she only imagined the way that Yaz has been staring at her so often.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the two finally parted the Doctor watched as Yaz walked out of the TARDIS doors and into the doors of her apartment building. She waited a long while until flying the ship somewhere else. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m waiting just in case I messed up the time. Can’t have dropped Yaz off at the wrong time. That would be a horrible way to leave things.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Really the Doctor just couldn’t bring herself to fly away and leave just yet. It already hurt so much and to just leave absolutely immediately would hurt so much worse than just letting herself live in the fantasy that Yaz was going to come back and change her mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor stayed on Earth for a </span>
  <em>
    <span>full</span>
  </em>
  <span> month and a half. Away from Sheffield of course. She couldn’t be caught by the Fam moping around because she was alone and missed them, and specifically not by Yaz. She picked somewhere random and stayed there. Ended up helping around town, mostly on accident, there weren’t any major threats just little handy things here and there that she did to keep herself busy. Someone’s cat is stuck in a tree, got it. A hot water heater needed recalibrating, all over it. She looked for anything that could help her keep her mind off of a certain probationary police officer. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>One afternoon at a coffee shop she met an older woman. The woman sat across from her at a table while she was reading a book. “Who broke your heart?” The woman had taken notice of the book. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Wrong Time by S'hayn Nakim.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She pointed at the book.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She didn’t know how it came into her possession, it might’ve been a gift from a different time because she hadn’t gotten it recently. Caught up in trying to remember the Doctor responded “I did, and it’s hearts actually,” before realizing she hadn’t meant to answer. She internally scolded herself for this answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The old woman was slightly confused about the ‘hearts’  but dropped it quickly and told her “If you messed up,” She placed a hand over the Doctor’s. “There’s still time to fix the problem,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor frowned. “Not this time, I’m afraid, it’s too complicated,” The Doctor couldn’t help her sulking and self-loathing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She withdrew her hand. “The matters of the heart often are dear,” The woman stood, “but that doesn’t mean you should just give up,” she began to walk away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor snapped her head around, unable to stop the words from coming out. “But what if it does?” Her eyes were wide and full of sadness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The woman stopped and turned to face the blonde. Her face softened. “Then you do your best to </span>
  <em>
    <span>heal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Getting closure is the best way to do that,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor nodded. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Closure. I hate endings. Always have. </span>
  </em>
  <span>In the instant of anger, she quickly ripped out the last page of her book and folded it. She shoved it in her coat pocket. She couldn’t help her pouting.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Later that evening, the Doctor made a decision, one she wasn’t entirely sure of before she pulled the lever that sent the TARDIS flying through time. Then she landed. </span>
  <em>
    <span>No turning back now. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Her hand lingered on the console. Shakily she pulled it away. She spent some time pacing the console room before finally taking the first steps outside.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was Sheffield, but not the regular one she had just left not even a month or so ago. This was Sheffield in the future. This was going to be Yasmin Khan’s future. The Doctor wanted to make sure Yaz would be okay, that she hadn’t ruined her forever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This was only a few weeks into the future. She went to visit Ryan and Graham. She explained that Yaz had decided to leave, which shocked both of them. Before they started asking questions about it she asked how Yaz had been. They only said that Yaz had been staying in a lot and working a lot, and not doing much else. Before she left, the Doctor asked Ryan and Graham to keep an eye on her to make sure she’s okay. Also to not mention to her that she had visited and asked about her. They swore to keep their word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Away she went again in the blue box. She couldn’t help it this time. A couple of weeks to check on a friend, that’s not bad at all but what she just decided to do probably crossed a line. Off she went further into the future, again. It felt selfish. It felt like complete self-indulgence, which also hurt. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Could self-indulgence hurt?</span>
  </em>
  <span> Seeing Yaz, prying on her personal life. This definitely wasn’t fair but the Doctor couldn’t help her curiosity. It was a couple of </span>
  <em>
    <span>years</span>
  </em>
  <span> later. Yaz is older, probably moved on by now, let go of the Doctor hopefully (but not really). </span>
  <em>
    <span>Her Doctor. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The designation never felt odd. The Doctor looked at the readings from the area, Yaz was still in Sheffield, she hadn’t left. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Maybe she never would. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The readings showed she was somewhere around town. Of course, the blonde had already traveled here, so she needed to go out and see if she could find Yaz. Couldn’t just pop in look at a couple of readings then go off again. That definitely wouldn’t make any sense.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor went and lingered in areas around town. She searched for the brunette until she felt her hearts stop. There she was. With someone. Laughing. Holding hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>//</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor had taken Yaz to an alien market of a sort. They wandered around for hours together. They explored and talked to people. Yaz learned about some of the other cultures. The Doctor talked about everything here with such appreciation and fondness. Some with such fondness that Yaz would dream of being talked about by the Doctor that way. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz paid attention to every word, every explanation, every story that the Doctor babbled on about. It wasn’t too long when they had first arrived that Yaz grabbed onto the Doctor’s hand, making sure they wouldn’t get separated. Truthfully, the Doctor kept wandering and going “Oh Yaz look at this!” or “You’ll love this,” more often than Yaz was comfortable with. So she grabbed onto the Doctor, held her hand and wrapped her other hand around her arm. She kept her in place and the Doctor let her. For the rest of the time, they were relatively quiet in their appreciation. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This wasn’t the first time they had simply held hands. The first time they held hands, it had been because of danger, being chased. It wasn’t unexpected or unwelcome. It just wasn’t the preferred context. This was the first time they held, held hands, it was just as delightful as they had each hoped it would be. It was sweet. No threat of danger. They just simply fell into it. It felt like the most natural thing ever. Holding Yasmin Khan’s hand. Brilliant.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Now Yaz was holding hands with some woman. A redheaded woman, they kept getting closer and more touchy. It was obvious that they were a little more than </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>friends. The Doctor sucked in a breath, she couldn’t take the sight anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This wasn’t fair, none of it was fair. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Bad idea. I shouldn’t have done this. </span>
  </em>
  <span>It hadn’t been that long for the Doctor, it had been over two years for Yaz, of course, she moved on </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> way. This hurt but this was something she felt like she couldn’t stop herself from doing. In the time ship again, she went far away. She went to a nearby galaxy. She stared at the stars and thought about everything that could have been if she just hadn’t messed up. Out on the edge of a distant galaxy she stayed for hours or days, she wasn’t really keeping track, she was just trying to calm down enough to go back down the Earth.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor had waited a few days before finally going </span>
  <em>
    <span>somewhere</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She decided to let the TARDIS take her some time into the future. She landed, it didn’t seem much different, so it wasn’t years. Looking at the readings she noticed it was only a month later. “What? Only a month?” She looked to the ceiling. The TARDIS just rumbled in response. Letting go of the seemingly odd decision the TARDIS made on her behalf, she walked off of the ship. The doors slammed behind her. “Oi!” She turned around and pushed on the doors, locked, of course.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Ignoring the ship’s antics she wandered around the town again. She finally got tired of pointless wandering and found a small shop and was intrigued by the items inside. It was full of different objects, things that had all sorts of purposes. Nothing was organized either, the clutter felt very welcoming to the Doctor, considering it mimicked her own whirlwind of emotions. After picking up a particularly odd thing, she heard shouting from the back of the store. It piqued her interest so she went to investigate, careful not to make any noise, even though it would be inaudible in comparison to the voices.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I can’t believe you!” It was a woman’s voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I haven’t done anything wrong,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yasmin.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor peeked around a shelf. She couldn’t help herself. Yaz’s back was to her. The other woman was the redhead. </span>
  <em>
    <span>How dare she yell at Yaz. My Yaz. No… Not my Yaz. Just Yaz… </span>
  </em>
  <span>She felt cold, her chest sunk at the thought. It kept her from intervening.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The redhead spoke again. “You won’t let me in, you don’t tell me anything,” Her arms waved in the air for emphasis. “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Yaz, you’re making it impossible,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor couldn’t see but Yaz had tears streaming down her face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi! What are you looking at?” The angry redhead was looking at the Doctor.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She quickly ducked back behind the shelf before Yaz had turned around fully. She barely missed her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz wiped her eyes, they were burning from her tears. “So we’re done?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The redhead nodded before walking out. Leaving Yaz standing there with her face in her hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor stepped from behind the shelf.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>After Yaz had had a nightmare one night she left her bedroom on the TARDIS to find the Doctor. The Doctor would help her forget, babbling about something, and maybe she would forget. It had been a dream that she had died. One very reminiscent of her transfer to a different dimension. She was alone, it was dark, no one else was there. It frightened her so much it made her even question whether anything was even real when she came out of it. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Once she stumbled upon the Doctor, in one of the mechanical rooms, she was fumbling with wires. “Oh! Yaz, what are you doing awake?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her voice cracked, she hadn’t expected it to but when she spoke it was too late, “I-I had an n-nightmare,” she felt almost helpless. Even worse she felt weak. Her body trembled.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her voice was soft. “Yaz,” The Doctor got up immediately and wasted no time getting to Yaz. She pulled her into a tight hug. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz welcomed the contact. She closed her eyes and held onto the Doctor.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The blonde pulled back and saw the tears in Yaz’s eyes. “How about I come back to bed with you?” She searched Yaz’s expression for signs that she had said the wrong thing.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz nodded urgently, she wanted nothing more than the Doctor to be near her.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>They reached her room and they laid in the bed together. The Doctor pulled Yaz close to her and wrapped an arm under her so Yaz was partially laying in her. Yaz’s head was on The Doctor’s chest and her arm wrapped around her torso.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you, Doctor,”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Any time, and if you want to talk about the dream I’ll be here to listen,” The Doctor kissed the top of Yaz’s head.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>After some time Yaz told her all about the dream and the Doctor said all the right things to reassure her. Yaz drifted off to sleep cuddled against the Doctor. They stayed that way all night until Yaz woke up. They both ended up glad that the Doctor had been able to comfort Yaz. Yaz was more than happy that the Doctor hadn’t left her to wake up alone.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She almost took a step towards Yaz, but a man from a different shelf had beat her to it. She stepped back behind the shelf, closing her eyes, she listened to the conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached out a hand and with a sympathetic smile he asked: “Are you alright?” Yaz shook her head but still took his hand. “Is there anything I can do? I can buy you some stuff that you can smash since you’re upset?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz chuckled at his offer. “No, I couldn’t ask you to do that,” She waved a hand at his offer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey I got a laugh, I think that’s a win,” He laughed. He was fishing and the Doctor thought it to be distasteful. Especially when he had heard the same conversation she did.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t take any more of his obvious flirting. She left the store, making her way back to the TARDIS. She was promptly let in upon returning. “You knew that would happen and you still sent me here anyway,” It felt like a betrayal. Without thinking about it she turned a couple of knobs and pulled the lever that sent her away yet again. Six months.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There she was, landed in an alleyway, quite far down it, she might add. Only this time she didn’t have to walk very far or wander, it was a straight shot to Yaz. She was sitting in a park on a blanket with the boy from the shop. The Doctor took her steps carefully, to avoid being seen by Yasmin. She walked way around them out of their peripherals before settling close, but not too close, so that she could still hear what was going on.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She had missed some of the conversation.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The boy was smiling at Yaz, admiring her. He spoke hesitantly. “Yaz, would you be my girlfriend?” He recoiled defensively, like she might throw something at him or that he was just being stupid. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was Yaz and the Doctor in the console room. Alone. Graham and Ryan had stopped joining their adventures so often. Yaz just couldn’t give it up, plus there was the added benefit of being alone with the Doctor more often. Yaz was leaning on the console before she turned and spoke. “Doctor, how come you never make a move on me?” She had been observing the Doctor more, paying attention to the blonde and she was sure of herself before she considered asking.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Her eyes went wide as she turned to look at Yaz making sure she heard her right. “What?” She was taken aback by the question.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz shrugged her shoulders. “It’s obvious you like me and I like you too, so why don’t you do anything about it? I mean, I’ve been trying but you always seem so restrained,” her eyebrows were furrowed from trying to come up with a reason why the Doctor might not do something about their feelings.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor’s head felt like it was spinning. Sure Yaz was a little forward but she hadn’t ever figured Yaz would bring something like this up. “I-uh,” She paused, “I didn’t know for sure, and wasn’t sure it’d be a good idea in the first place,” She scrunched her face fearing Yaz wouldn’t accept her answer.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz shook her head. “Why not?”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Didn’t want it to hurt,” The Doctor looked down with a frown on her face.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz stepped closer to the Doctor. “It doesn’t have to, we don’t have to let it,” Yaz wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s neck. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor froze, her eyes flashed to Yaz’s lips. The temptation threatening to make her do something about their proximity.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz beat her to it, she noticed the Doctor staring at her lips. It made her smile briefly. She felt for sure that the Doctor wanted to kiss her too. She moved a hand to cradle the Doctor’s face before she leaned in and their lips touched. Everything felt right with the universe. The Doctor kissed her back. Yaz deepened the kiss. It was needy and almost desperate. The Doctor pulled Yaz fully against her. Yaz welcomed the contact. When they pulled away they rested their foreheads against each other. The Doctor decided she would let herself have this moment. She hadn’t realized there would be more moments like this, but Yaz did and she couldn’t wait for there to be more of them.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>//</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s eyes widened. She felt anger and sadness building within her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Say no, please. Wait, no stop, that’s not allowed. Get yourself together Doctor.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She buried her face in her hands, feeling like she would implode waiting for Yaz’s response.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz smiled. “Yeah,” It was a very nonchalant tone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yeah?” He was very excited. It made the Doctor roll her eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz rolled her eyes too. “Yes, now take it before I change my mind,” She said with some emphasis.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He laughed thinking she was joking, which she only half was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the Doctor had left and gone off to the TARDIS again she couldn’t help the tears that forced their way out of her. She had been holding everything in. No closure. No conditioning to seeing Yaz go on with her life without her. It wasn’t getting any easier. If anything it was only getting harder to see. All of these feelings, she always bottled them, and maybe they’d spill out later when it mattered. Right now? This was all on her. She couldn’t give Yaz what she wanted and she couldn’t give herself what she wanted either. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Hey baby,” Yaz greeted the Doctor with a kiss. A quick but soft one that the Doctor didn’t want to pull away from.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor’s tone was excited. “I missed you,” She smiled brightly at Yaz.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz had a quizzical look on her face. “Really? How long has it been?” She wrapped her arms around the Doctor, who mimicked her actions.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor raised her head, making Yaz look her in the eyes. She was being serious. “I waited all night, and all day, same time as you,”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Really?” Yaz’s expression softened.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Yeah, didn’t seem fair that I can just skip ahead,” She shrugged. She wanted to fall for Yaz at the same time Yaz fell for her. She didn’t want to squander their time together.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“That’s so sweet,” Yaz licked her lips. “but, I think I would have just skipped ahead-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor cut her off. “Oh really?” She let her disbelief show on her face. “That’s not very fai-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz cut her off. “Yeah, but only because I want to do this,” Yaz pushed the Doctor against the control panel softly. There were no objections from the timelord. Yaz kissed her hard and the Doctor kissed her back with as much fervor. She pushed a knee between the Doctor’s legs making her sigh into her mouth.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor pulled her head back, taking a breath. Yaz continued her movements and kissed the Doctor’s neck. “Yaz-” She felt Yaz nip her pulse point. “Yaz, stop,”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz pulled back immediately. “Sorry, sorry, I just thought-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor’s face was pink and she was trying to catch her breath. “You thought right, I wow, uh,” She was panting nervously.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz grabbed a hand and made eye contact with the Doctor. “Too fast? Because we don’t have to-”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Haste found its way into the Doctor’s tone. “No! Yaz I was going to ask if you were sure, sure about this, us,” She pointed at Yaz and back at herself.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz nodded insistently. She had never been so sure of anything in her whole life.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor walked to Yaz and swiftly picked her up. Luckily Yaz jumped wrapping her legs around the Doctor’s waist. “Okay, let’s take this somewhere more comfortable,” Yaz made work of her mouth and kissed and sucked on the Doctor’s neck teasing her on the way.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor cherished every movement between the two women, learning Yaz’s curves and what made her respond the best and what she liked. She memorized the skin under her touch and did her best to please Yaz.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once again, she had to be alone for a long while before going off again. The next jump was significantly further down Yaz’s timeline. About ten years. The Doctor was even more hesitant to step out of the TARDIS than ever. This was so much further than she ever wanted to go down Yasmin Khan’s timeline. This felt like the last stop on it for her too. The TARDIS was out in the open this time, which was even worse. Upon stepping out she heard some children across the street playing, it seemed to be the same park from before.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mum! Mum! It’s the Doctor!” She heard a child shouting. Fear filled her entire being. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh no, no, I can’t. No. </span>
  </em>
  <span>The Doctor froze, she wanted to run back into the TARDIS. Everything was set into motion, this had to happen, but that didn’t mean she could just stand there like an idiot. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The mother of the child spoke softly. “Remember what I said about lying, Dr. Jones is in her office today-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor looked up. Sure enough, it was her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Yasmin Khan.</span>
  </em>
  <span> There was no backing out of this with any shred of pride if she left now.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The other child cut her off. “No THE Doctor Mum!!! I heard a weird sound and LOOK there’s the blue box!” They both pointed at it excitedly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked over to see the ends of a coat entering the box. “Honey, watch Umbreen and Najm,” She wasted no time waiting for his reply. She ran to the blue box. Pausing outside the doors, she considered knocking but decided against it before just entering. She took a deep breath. It was exactly the same as she remembered it. This moment felt all too familiar. The Doctor was at the console looking down and she was at the doors. She couldn't bring her eyes up to meet Yaz’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor?” She asked, almost nervous that she was imagining being back inside the blue box that she left behind all those years ago.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You told them about me?” Her voice was barely audible, but it was so quiet it would’ve been impossible for Yaz not to hear her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She squinted her eyes.“Of course,” Her face showed her confusion. “Why wouldn’t I?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked up. This was the first time their eyes met. The first time she saw Yaz’s face properly. “Why would you?” She paused.  “...After it all,” She was shocked, she thought Yaz might have grown to hate her after all these years.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz walked over to the Doctor. “How could I not tell them? I’ve seen beautiful things, amazing things, so many stories I could tell and </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Her eyes were so full of emotion, all of them swirling behind two brown eyes, mostly the same adoration from so far in her past.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor shook her head, she was caught up in thoughts of how they used to be. “I would’ve thought you would want to forget about it all and move on,” She couldn’t let herself try to pull Yaz back in.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She lifted her head. “How could anyone move on from </span>
  <em>
    <span>this</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” She gestured towards the rest of the room, but it wasn’t just that, it was everything that that room meant.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor shrugged, not getting it. “Because they have to?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz shook her head. “No, Doctor, you don’t move on from this, the urge is always there. Remembering the day I left fills me with regret, but I wouldn’t trade it all for the world,” Her tone was melancholic.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor turned away from Yaz. “No, I suppose you wouldn’t,” She didn’t want the sadness on her face to be seen by Yaz.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz reached out. She was offended. “What’s that supposed to mean?” She wasn’t going to let the Doctor off the hook for a statement like that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shrugged the hand away taking a few steps around the console and away from Yaz. “Nothing, I just-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz cut her off, not letting the Doctor just let go of what she was talking about. “Just what?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t mean for this to happen” The Doctor turned around, letting her emotions be seen. Letting herself be vulnerable because that’s what Yaz wanted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what to happen?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Seeing you again, you left that was supposed to be the end of it, but I couldn’t help myself and now you’re here in the TARDIS again, and it hurts more than I would've ever thought it could Yasmin,” Whoa using her name, not just her nickname, this was more serious than intended. The Doctor was always calculated when choosing to say her name, it always had more meaning than meets the eye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>It was a summer evening and Yaz had convinced the Doctor to get out of her blue box and come with her on a little trip. A trip not using the TARDIS to go somewhere fantastical. No matter how much the Doctor tried to suggest going off-planet.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz decided they would go to the beach. The Doctor didn’t know how she got suckered into going, it couldn’t have had to do with a set of puppy dog eyes or puckered (very kissable) lips.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor finally stopped pouting once she caught sight of Yaz’s bathing suit. A bikini, that was navy blue with stripes of color on it tastefully. Yaz had picked out something for the Doctor to wear, it was also a black two-piece and a set of swim trunks with stars on them. The top covered her torso. The Doctor was infatuated with it. Yaz had picked out the most perfect thing and the most ‘Doctor-y’ The Doctor came out from changing with a bright smile on her face. Yaz was elated at the reaction she got from the Doctor. Now the Doctor might actually have some fun.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Upon arriving at the beach, the two were hand in hand. Yaz was pulling behind them the carrier-with wheels that withheld all their beach stuff. After getting everything situated, the Doctor acclimated to the beach very easily becoming intrigued by all of the things she found on the beach, some pretty shells, a couple of crabs she compared to some creatures she saw on some planet years and years ago. That was most definitely before Yaz had asked her to put lotion on her back, the Doctor very excitedly obliged and massaged it all over (where she needed) and even some places Yaz could reach, like her legs. After sweetly smiling at Yaz the Doctor left her to her own devices and continued running around some more. Finally, the Doctor ended up swimming for a very long time. Yaz joined her at some point and they played in the water, splashing each other, the Doctor even picked Yaz up at one point. Yaz laughed when she saw her hair all curly, but she thought the Doctor looked beautiful regardless of the messy-ness. Eventually, she had to get out of the water because she was tired of it and getting hungry. Yaz had taken it upon herself to eat some watermelon she had packed, even pulling out some sugar and sprinkling it on to make it extra sweet.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Doctor!” She called urging the woman to reappear.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor didn’t keep her waiting before returning. “Yeah?” She raised her eyebrows.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Want something to snack on?” Yaz offered some watermelon up.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>She waved a hand. “No, not quite hungry, thank you though,”</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz stood up taking a step to the Doctor. “You sure you’re not hungry?” She said in a low voice. “We’ve got strawberries too,” She offered, noticing the Doctor lick her lips. Yaz bit her own lip.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor gulped. Yaz wrapped her arms around the Doctor’s neck before kissing her. She slid her tongue into her mouth making sure the Doctor tasted the fruit on her tongue. The Doctor sighed into her mouth “Yasmin,” The sugar and the watermelon and the taste of Yaz made the Doctor feel like she was floating. If she was tired from running around on the beach all day this connected some wires in her brain and she was high on whatever chemicals had just been released. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz grabbed the Doctor’s hand and touched it to her abdomen making the Doctor touch her. The Doctor may not have eaten fruit that evening but Yaz made sure she ate something. After getting clean first of course.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz softened her voice. “I didn’t tell you to visit,” She was disappointed. All these years, she had wanted to see the blonde woman again, now here she was saying she wished she hadn’t come at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor shook her head. “No, that’s on me,” She had done the wrong thing again, another thing to scold herself for, to feel guilty about, to be upset about. Her thoughts were spiraling, all sorts of self-deprecating things.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz spoke up this time, not raising her voice, just adding emphasis. “I didn’t finish,” She clarified. “I didn't tell you to visit but I’m glad you’re here.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor frowned. “I don’t think that’s a good thing,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And why not?” She furrowed her eyebrows.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She hung her head. “Because I’m not,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz felt a new understanding settle within her. “How long has it been, Doctor?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Bout thirteen years give or take a few weeks,” The Doctor knew exactly how long it had been but she didn’t want to make it seem like she cared too much about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, Doc, for you?” Yaz specified her question.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She took a defensive tone. “How, do you know I didn’t wait as long as you?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz kept her softened tone, she wasn’t going to stoop down to the Doctor’s irritation. “Because you’re still heartbroken,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her face got angry at the truth in the statement. “I’m still heartbroken over all of my companions Yaz,” Her mind immediately stuck to one question ‘You’re not?’ but she couldn’t ask it out of fear of the answer.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How long?” Yaz persisted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor gave up her resolve. “Almost three months?” She kept her eyes off of Yaz.,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz nodded. “I couldn’t let go either. I wished every day for a long time that you would come back. I changed my mind the moment I stepped out of those doors because you were worth it,” She leaned on the console and traced the outline of a button.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor remained silent. ‘Were’ She focused on the word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz faced the Doctor again. “Can I ask a favor?” She didn’t expect an affirmation, she barely expected an answer at all.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor breathed out. “Always,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Show me the stars?” It was the one thing she wanted more than anything over the years. Other than seeing the blonde alien beside her again.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay,” The Doctor turned some knobs and switches before pulling the lever that sent them away again, together in the TARDIS.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She closed her eyes, listening to the whirring. “I’ve missed that sound, more than I thought I did,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s not supposed to make that sound, I just like it,” She changed the topic, a force of habit when she was uncomfortable.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I know, it makes it recognizable,” Yaz always knew when the blonde was outside the apartment complex because of that sound.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz went to the doors and opened them, sighing at the sight before her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Your favorite galaxy,” The Doctor said simply. </span>
  <em>
    <span>They shine for you.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt tears threatening to spill. Nostalgia filled her. “I remember, I just didn’t know you were paying attention,” She turned back to the blonde who was now next to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked up into brown eyes. “I always paid attention to you Yaz,” She wondered if Yaz really thought she was so full of herself that she didn’t pay attention to her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So why now?” The Doctor gave her a quizzical look. “Why’d you show up?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She thought about her response before hesitantly starting her sentence. “I- I’ve been seeing you, a woman said something about ‘closure’, but it’s kind of rubbish if you ask me, never liked endings,” She shook her head disapproving of the advice she wished she had never taken.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz squinted at her. “So, why’d you do it? How far were you planning on going?” It felt strange, being spied upon through time, but it felt worse knowing she never saw her any of the times.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her arms seemed to move on their own accord as she spoke. “Well I just wanted to see you, without messing your life up, and depending on how this time was gonna go would depend on how far I’d go,” She shrunk taking a defensive pose like she was gonna get hit, knowing Yaz wouldn’t but also understanding if she wanted to.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz pushed the arms away from covering her face. “You could’ve come to visit,” She held the hands.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “No, I couldn’t, you know that,” She said trying to pull her hands away only freeing one of them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know that,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What would you have done? Had I visited,” She looked her in the eyes, anxiety growing at what Yaz might say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her voice went low and quiet. “I would’ve kissed you, told you how much I missed you, that I still love you,” There was a deep sadness within her words.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her eyes filled with tears. “That’s why I couldn’t,” Her voice cracked in her throat. “You needed to move on so I didn’t mess it up for you,” Tears fell down her face, her chest sunk sharply, trying to convulse.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Baby,” Yaz’s hand found its way to her cheek wiping away the tears on that side in the process. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t tell me you call him baby,” She was trying to distract with humor, but it came out sounding desperate and pathetic in her opinion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She wiped away the tears that kept spilling from the time lords face. “No, that’s always been reserved for you,” She looked up shrugging. “And my kids,” She thought carefully about her next words, before opting the truth of it was worth saying. “I never moved on, you know,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But your family?” Her wide eyes looked expectantly into brown ones that had tears threatening to spill over.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She brushed her hair behind the Doctor’s ears. “I love them dearly, my kids more than anything else, but that’s different,” Yaz opened her mouth to say something else.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No, don’t say it,” The Doctor pleaded.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Tears started streaming down her face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>You</span>
  </em>
  <span> are the love of my life,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>This context was different for what Yaz chose to say. They weren’t in a group setting, or just sharing generalized emotions with one another. This was the two of them together, in a romantic context. They were alone, on some alien planet, a secret spot the Doctor had picked out for them to have a picnic and watch the suns set. It was just as beautiful as the Doctor said it would be, but they both couldn’t help but find themselves staring at each other.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Doctor, I love you,” It was the first time Yaz had said it to her. Or to anyone and really meant it. She looked to the Doctor half expectantly, but also half feeling stupid for expecting the Doctor of all people to say it back.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>The Doctor reached over to Yaz. She reached a hand up and touched the temple of her head. She breathed slowly before closing her eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Yaz was confused until she felt it. The Doctor was in her head, leaving something behind. A thought, or a feeling. Mostly a feeling. The feeling of knowing the Doctor felt the same about her. Then the Doctor was gone but the feeling stayed. Yaz leaned forward and captured the Doctor’s lips in a quick soft kiss.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>“Thank you,” She looked into Yaz’s eyes. “For letting me in,” The Doctor felt very vulnerable, but Yaz was there and would never do anything to hurt her and she knew it. That’s why she trusted Yaz enough to do that. The Doctor couldn’t help but lean in again for a lingering kiss.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>//</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s knees buckled from under her. Her hands immediately went to her face. She sobbed. Her breathing couldn’t be fixed as it became her heaving trying to catch air. That’s it. Yasmin Khan broke the Doctor. No more hiding. No more running. She just got hit head-on with a train of all of her emotions. The combination of Yaz crying and </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> admission was too much put together. This is why goodbyes were the worst, especially when it wasn’t really a goodbye.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor!” Yaz was too late to catch her. Her own tears were impeding her vision. The best she could manage was grabbing the Doctor’s coat. She knelt down by her side and wrapped her arms around her. “I’m sorry,” her voice barely a whisper.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Her mouth shaped the words but she made no sounds. Yaz only knew the Doctor said something because of the movement of the Doctor’s jaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What?” She looked at the Doctor’s face. The Doctor shook her head.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The tears were relentless, no matter how hard she tried to stop them, they just kept coming. She resorted to pulling Yaz’s head as close as possible. “I’m sorry,” Her voice barely sounded in Yaz’s ear.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“For what?” Yaz was scared, not because she was afraid of the Doctor but because she didn’t know what she’d say.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked up, shaking visibly. “That you ever loved me,” Her eyes closed themselves harshly. Her teeth gnashed together.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No” Yaz grabbed her tighter into her grasp. “You don’t ever say that. I still love you to this day, I will always love you, you deserve to be loved and I am grateful for the fact that I was able- no that I am able to love you. I’m grateful that we met when we did, where we did, that I got to know you, that you got to know me. I am </span>
  <em>
    <span>lucky </span>
  </em>
  <span>for ever having been able to have been yours and to have called you mine,” Yaz’s tears kept coming, she long forgot about them, she just knew how she felt and that she needed to verbalize it before it was too late. Yaz had leaned back at some point to look the Doctor in the face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor reached up to wipe away Yaz’s tears. Her words had been genuine, they both knew there wasn’t even a hint of exaggeration. Yaz returned the favor of wiping away the tears. Both of their sets of tears were falling slower by now. “Yaz,” Her voice was raspy from sobbing.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Shh,” She held the Doctor into her. “It’s okay,” She rocked her lightly. She kissed the side of her head like it was nothing. It made the Doctor grip Yaz’s shirt with her fists, not out of anger just out of need.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they finally calmed down, neither wanted to let go, but the Doctor was the one to make them pull back. She pushed herself up, offering a hand to Yaz who accepted it and helped her up. The Doctor went to let go but Yaz kept a hold of it. They walked to the kitchen together, then Yaz slipped away down the halls of the TARDIS. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>While Yaz was gone the Doctor poured two glasses of water and drank from one of them. Once Yaz was back, she had a rag in her hand, she showed the Doctor before reaching with it to her face. The Doctor let her. Yaz wiped her face. It was warm from the hot water she used. She began wiping away the dried tears, helping her eyes become less irritated. She grabbed the other rag she brought from under her arm and dried the Doctor’s face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor weakly held out the other glass of water. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She set both of the rags down and Yaz took it gratefully and quickly drank about half of it. Then she cradled the Doctor’s face in her hands, she looked exhausted, rightfully so. “Come with me?” She grabbed onto the Doctor’s hand. The Doctor nodded. She led them into her old bedroom, it was exactly as she left it, and it was still there. She silently thanked the TARDIS. She guided the Doctor to lay down next to her, she hesitated before she obeyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor curled into Yaz’s side. Yaz wrapped her arms around her and she laid there staying awake until she felt the Doctor drift off to sleep, only then letting herself sleep too. When she woke up the Doctor was still there. She was awake by then but she stayed in bed anyway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She felt Yaz waking up but allowed herself the simple indulgence of watching Yaz wake up. “Hey,” she said softly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz smiled at her before wiping her eyes. “Sleep well?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor nodded. It was very much needed. She felt dread surge through her, she didn’t know what would happen next, it just had to be Yaz’s decision. Yaz decided they needed to cuddle for longer and the Doctor didn’t oppose the decision. They stayed that way for a while, listening to each other’s breathing and heartbeats.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the Doctor started fidgeting Yaz knew that she needed to get up. The Doctor’s brain was going a mile a minute and she would get restless which was good for no one. “Alright, let’s get up,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor sat up at Yaz’s request but couldn’t help her apologies from spilling out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz cut her off, “You haven’t done anything, we just need to get up okay?” She pulled the Doctor by her neck closer and kissed her temple as reassurance. The Doctor nodded and got up. Yaz followed. “I’m going to take a shower and I’ll be out in a little while okay?” The Doctor nodded then left to go busy herself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Yaz came out her hair was still damp. She wandered the TARDIS until she found the Doctor in the library. She was reading some book, she saw her pull a page out of her pocket and placed it inside the book.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” The Doctor jumped at the sound of Yaz’s voice.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor shrugged, then decided to explain herself. “I don’t like endings, I had ripped out the page,” She shook her head at herself. “It was stupid of me, I know,” She looked down at her feet.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She rested her hand on the Doctor’s shoulder. “No, it’s not, it makes sense and it’s kind of bittersweet,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked up briefly at the hand on her shoulder before turning to Yaz. “What are their names?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Yaz’s eyes squinted themselves with confusion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor looked at her expectantly. “Your family,” she said simply. She almost regretted saying anything at all about it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Yaz gulped. “Well,” she started. “Sami is my husband, Umbreen is my daughter, and Najm is my son,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Ah ‘the sky’ after your grandmother of course, and ‘morning star’ both wonderful names,” the Doctor mustered up a smile. She had named her kids as an homage to family and to space itself, very clever of her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz nodded. “We don’t have to talk about them if-“ Her concern for the Doctor’s well-being shown with each word.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor stopped her in her tracks. “No, it’s okay, you don’t have to censor your life for my sake,” This needed to happen, for both their sakes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But-“</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“It’s really no bother,” The Doctor insisted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz finally gave in and went on telling about how old the children were, and some stuff about Sami and their wedding. She spared some details that she didn’t want it to feel like she was rubbing it in. The Doctor nodded listening intently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It hurt but she thought the exposure would help her, maybe not feel better, but at least feel happy for Yaz and the fact she seemed happy with her life. If she’s being honest with herself it didn’t really work. When it seemed Yaz had run out of things to say the Doctor spoke. “I think I should apologize,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz was genuinely confused. “What for?” The Doctor hadn’t done anything to apologize about.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her shoulders slacked. “For what I did, or what I failed to do,” She hung her head. “There’s so much, I wish I could take back, or do over and change. Except it would mean so many good things wouldn’t have happened or if I had made it go the other way none of </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>would have happened. Maybe it would have been worse than what happened but this,” She sighed, shaking her head. She was somewhat regretting seeing Yaz again, this just hurt it a new way. This was why she never revisited companions after they left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Don’t be sorry for what happened, it was just as much me as it was you,” She placed herself in front of the Doctor. “Besides, as you said, things could’ve ended up much worse. I don’t regret </span>
  <em>
    <span>us</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I will never regret you,” Yaz took the Doctor’s hands in hers after taking the book and setting it at her side. “Do you regret me?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor tensed up. Her head shot up, panic on her face. “No, no,” She needed to clarify, she hadn’t meant to make Yaz feel down on herself. “I have loved every moment we spent together. Getting to know you, learn from you, see you grow. Everything was amazing, even the not so good parts, it was okay because I got to be with you; that I got to love you. The only thing I regret was not appreciating the moments we shared more,” She kept her focus on Yaz through her whole speech, making sure she wasn’t hiding behind anything. This was her being completely vulnerable with Yaz.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Doctor,” Yaz’s voice was soft with a tinge of sadness.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She looked into her eyes and saw tears starting to form. “What? Have I said the wrong thing? God, I’m so stu-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz grabbed the Doctor and pulled her in. She kissed her softly then moved into desperation. It had been so long but this felt so natural. The Doctor kissed her back after realizing Yaz wasn’t going to pull away immediately with regret. Yaz’s arms wrapped around the Doctor’s neck and the Doctor held her at her waist. Trying to pull back the Doctor attempted to speak, “We shouldn’t,” She didn’t want to stop, but felt like she needed to say something.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She was cut off with Yaz’s lips and words were spoken into her mouth, “Please, shut up,” The Doctor did as she was demanded and they resumed kissing, properly. They didn’t stop when Yaz’s tears hit the Doctor’s cheeks even with the Doctor’s protesting. Yaz was having none of it. When Yaz finally pulled away to breathe the Doctor took the opportunity to wipe Yaz’s tears away. Yaz took the hand from her face and intertwined their fingers. She kissed the back of the Doctor’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor just kept staring at Yaz. She was taking in the moment because she knew this could never happen again. Yaz would leave and that would have to actually be the end of it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Stop,” Yaz demanded, taking the Doctor out of her thoughts. “Stop thinking negative things, enjoy the moment, even if it’s bittersweet,” The Doctor nodded. Yaz leaned in again and left a soft kiss on her lips. The Doctor pulled Yaz against her and nestled her head into the crook of Yaz’s neck. Yaz stroked her hair. They stayed like that for a long time.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When they ended up back in the console room, Yaz took her last look at her galaxy, then the Doctor took them back to the park Yaz had found her in. Yaz was to leave again and the Doctor decided this time would be different. She walked Yaz to the doors instead of making her do it alone again. Yaz held her hand even for the short distance. She kissed the Doctor’s cheek before letting go of her hand and reaching for the door. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor noticed her hesitation and spoke up, “It’s okay, I promise I’ll be okay,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz nodded at the Doctor knowing she was lying. She got one foot out the door before turning around. “I want you to meet them,” She had a hopeful look in her eyes. “And I know they’d love to meet you,” she implored.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor didn’t argue. How could she resist Yasmin Khan? “Okay,” she said simply before stepping out of the TARDIS with Yaz.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Mummy!” Both kids yelled before running headfirst into their mom, with Sami not so far behind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Careful, you don’t want to break her!” He shouted before finally catching up to them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The two children clung to their mom before noticing the blonde alien looking down at them. They both breathed in big breaths before shouting “Doctor!” then immediately barraged her with questions while holding onto her coat. It was like they had known her forever and that this woman before them wasn’t a total stranger.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oi!” Yaz shouted and the two immediately backed away, both giggling to themselves. She sighed, “Sami, Umbreen, Najm this is The Doctor,” She gestured at the blonde, “Doctor, this is my family,” she gestured back at them. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sami held out his hand and the Doctor shook it saying it was nice to meet them. She moved on to each child individually, she crouched down to their level and shook both of their hands which they thoroughly enjoyed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sami spoke. “Thank you for bringing her back safely, Doctor,” He reached out and took Yaz’s hand.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She noticed Yaz stepping closer to him. “Of course, I’d never let anything bad happen to Yaz,” The Doctor laughed politely. She looked down at the kids “Especially not your mum,” she winked at them then smiled.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Najm spoke softly. “Can we go in the box?” He said with a smile on his face.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor smiled right back at him before she spoke. “As long as you promise not to touch anything,” Yaz coughed, “and if your parents say it’s okay,” She looked up at Sami and Yaz.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Umbreen spoke this time “I promise I’ll be careful, Mummy please,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz looked to Sami who just shrugged nodding. “Yeah, sure,” The two children jumped with excitement.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They all went into the box, Umbreen and Najm ran around the entire console room, looking at everything they possibly could. But they kept their promise and didn’t touch anything.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which one makes it go?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Which one puts out biscuits?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Why’s it blue?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Mum’s room?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>All of their questions came at once but the Doctor was ready for them. “This one,” she pointed at the lever, “Biscuits here, the button for it here,” she pushed it and gave each of them one. “Blue is a quite nice color,” and finally “You’ll have to ask mum about her room,” She looked over to Yaz.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With the two children giving puppy dog eyes Yaz reluctantly agreed and walked the two hand in hand to her old bedroom. Leaving the Doctor and Sami alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How did you catch all of their questions?” Sami asked still in awe of the space within the blue box. He seemed to be in overload. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“No big deal really, I’m quite good with kids, and I speak baby too,” She said as a matter of factly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Wish you had been around then,” She shuddered thinking about the kids as babies.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She shook her head. “I think you might’ve gotten offended, at that age it’s either mum or not mum to them, you wouldn’t have wanted me translating that,”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hmm,” he thought on it, “I guess not,” He paused. “I have to ask,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor felt uneasiness surge through her. </span>
  <em>
    <span>He knows</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She wandered to the console looking at a screen. Trying to busy her mind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Did you guys…”  he trailed off.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor got the gist. “No,” She felt guilty. She decided to tell the truth. “The most that happened was kissing, nothing more,” His face sunk. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Ah! Foot in mouth. What is wrong with me? I shouldn’t have said anything. </span>
  </em>
  <span>She hoped she hadn’t just made him angry at Yaz, she was prepared to lie and say it was her fault because in a way it kind of was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor did a double-take. “What?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thank you,” He stepped closer to her. “For bringing her back,” The Doctor just looked at him still in shock. “Look, I know I’m not her first choice, or maybe even her second, but I love her. And I know she would jump at the chance to go traveling with you again. Hell, even I would. I just don’t compare to you. I wouldn’t stand a chance against you if she were given the choice. She has always talked about you, she barely even slowed down when Umbreen and Najm came along, they just gave her new people to share you with,” The Doctor began to wonder if he was angry with her. “And the thing is, I could never be jealous of you either, all of the stories, even I fell in love with you a little bit,” He looked down at his hands briefly. “So just thank you, I’m glad you came, I think this is exactly what she needed… She’s been through so much in her life. You’ve made Yasmin so happy and I can’t thank you enough for it,” He outstretched his hand to her. She took it prepared to shake it then he yanked her forward. He hugged the Doctor, which startled her at first. She was expecting anger, not compassion. Nonetheless, she hugged him back lightly.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor was speechless. She hadn’t expected anything like this to </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> happen to her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She pulled back but rested her hands on his shoulders. “Promise me something,” She looked him in the eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Sure?” He squinted at her confused.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor’s voice softened to a whisper. “Be good to her,” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Because I can’t.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I promise, I will,” His voice was calm.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“And to Umbreen and Najm too,” She added fervently.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Of course, I love them with my whole heart, I would never hurt them,” She could tell he was being genuine.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She let go of his shoulders. “Good,” She smiled at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Perfectly timed Yaz with both children in hand came back into the console room. “What are you guys talking about?” Yaz was a bit nervous, she hadn’t thought through leaving them alone together. Thankfully it all went well.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sami answered her question, “I just can’t believe that this is possible, this box is bigger on the inside and travels in time, amazing,” He lied, because sometimes a conversation was meant to be kept between two people. He emphasized his point by looking flabbergasted at the size of the room.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Her expression softened. “Yeah, it is amazing,” she looked at the Doctor and smiled at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Fancy a ride home?” The Doctor offered.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The kids, of course, shouted “YEAH,” and “YES,” at the top of their lungs.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sami answered before Yaz could, “Saves us the fair yeah?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yaz simply nodded. “Kids hold onto one of us okay?” They each grabbed onto one of their parents before the Doctor even considered flicking a couple switched and pulling the lever. Then they were off, rocking back and forth, letting the sound of the TARDIS fill their ears.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Once they landed Sami checked outside to see that they had indeed moved and to the right location.  His eyes went wide and he had to take a couple of deep breaths. Yaz laughed at him and the children copied her. It made the Doctor smile. Sami stepped out of the box and the two kids followed, then the Doctor walked out with Yaz.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Hey Doctor,” Sami began, “come ‘round for tea, yeah?” He smiled at her.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Najm and Umbreen also shared their opinions, “Yeah! Please, Doctor!” and “Doctor, please,” with very drawn out e’s.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor looked to Yaz for the right answer. Yaz smiled at her, calming the blonde’s nerves. “Yeah, come on over,” She waved for the Doctor to follow them.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“How could I say no?” She pulled the TARDIS doors shut behind her. The two kids each took the Doctor’s hands. She smiled at each of them then at Sami and finally Yaz. She didn’t think she’d be this happy after everything that had just happened yet here she was. Two lovely children in hand and Yaz smiling at her like she’s everything. “Tea at Yaz’s, brilliant,”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Not gonna lie, this hurts a little bit... okay a lot a bit</p><p>but did you see the reference? (hint it's italicized)</p><p>Vaguely inspired (and a little bit explicitly) by Harry Styles Fine Line... (like two songs) oops</p></blockquote></div></div>
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